It’s been a few weeks since I’ve blogged and I have good reason for that. I’ve been struggling with who I am lately. Let me explain. I’ve always known, since I was just a little girl, that I wanted to do something amazing…something huge….something that would change the world. I’ve always had a passion for getting to know people and wanting to hear what their story is, what makes them who they are, where they come from, what makes them tick, what makes them happy…you get the idea. This dream of mine has changed over the years, no, actually it’s morphed into different things here and there as I’ve gotten older. High school for me was about surviving. College was finding myself. Post college was settling down with my man. Becoming a mom was a dream come true and now, now I’m coming full circle and accomplishing some bucket list things I’ve always known I’d do.
The main change in all of this was that I didn’t know Jesus growing up. I didn’t get to know him until I was pregnant with Dylan. A lot has changed since then. I’m not the same person and so my ideas about what I could accomplish to change this world have swayed a little bit. I no longer want to be known for writing a book. I want to be known for being a catalyst for moms everywhere, to give themselves more grace than they ever have before and yes, a book will have been birthed out of that. I want to be that resource for women who are struggling to get out of bed each day because they’re depressed and don’t know why. I just want to be me. And if I’m going to be me, I can’t do that without Jesus.
The past few weeks have been emotionally draining. I’ve lost sleep, overeaten, over thought, and overshared when I should have been on my knees praying. I was scrolling Facebook in the wee hours of the night when I should have been scrolling scripture to guard myself with truth. It’s true. God meets us right where we’re at; even if it’s in messy places…especially when we’re in messy places. That’s where He does His best work. He fine tunes us during tiring times, overwhelming times and, times when we’re not sure we’re doing anything right. I need Jesus. I just can’t do life without Him. And so, you might see a different side of me. A more vulnerable, raw side of me. But I promise it’s the real me, always has been.
If you’re in the trenches right now…if you’re just trying to hold on – whether it’s through a friendship, a miscarriage, a heartbreak, a rumor, a fight, a failed job, an overwhelming season – hold onto this, His word never comes back void and He will carry you through any obstacle – no matter where your view may be.